Failure: I gained two pounds this past week. I am really powerless over food. I have been going to the gym more, but I lust after food. Just now when I woke up, my first impulse was to rush to the fridge to get something to eat. It gave me a feeling of hope, love, comfort? I felt safe. Why do I feel safe around food? I guess food will never betray me. Food does not complain or talk back. Food cannot walk away. Food is cheap and easy (ha-ha-ha). It is funny to realize how dependent I am on food. Not for nutrition, but for love. I think I can control food (unlike people), but in fact food controls me, my life, my health, and my family.
Thanks to my lack of discipline over food, I have probably been turned down for dozens of jobs over the course of my life because all that most people see is a big fat lump. How many times has an interview indirectly turned to whether or not I am lazy? People who interview a fat person usually seem to want some testimonial that I am never sick (which is true), and can work 90 hours a week at twice the speed of anyone else (which is not true). I work with a couple of other overweight people in my department, and they are in such denial. Our boss is verbally abusive to the point of having screaming fits regularly, and why? Because the boss presumes that fat people cannot get better jobs anywhere else and have to take the abuse. It is kind of bizarre that nearly every employee is overweight, and it seems like the boss feels safe around fat people. The boss is skinny, and while no remarks are ever made about anyone being fat, it is just weird that the Boss hires only fat people and then spends all the time complaining about them. I am not sure I want to analyze the Boss too much. It is just strange. The Boss is not the problem though. Any job has some kind of friction, this is just the current version. The only thing about this Boss that is different is lack of any civility.
I need to understand that losing weight is going to help me with my health and with getting a better job. Even only ten pounds will make a big difference. Since I cannot get this done by myself, I ask now, Please God Help Me.
August 28, 2007
Weekly Weight Loss Winner
Victory: Weight Loss Winners: Some bloggers cracked the ass-attack and lost weight! Bitchin! Yes, there was Candee and Christine and Angelfish (Practicing Patience) who each lost two pounds this past week!!! Then Fat Daddy brought it up a notch and lost 2.8 pounds. Fat Daddy is about to pass Captain Jeff on the scale heading down. What happened Cappy? Meanwhile, Kimmy Lou (KL-not sure what her real name is), lost 3.2 pounds!! That's like 1.45 kilos! Holy Bat Bongos Batman! Kimmy Lou credits exercise and HOT FUN with Max! Just one weekend they LAID around all the time and KL says "my weight loss shows what we were doing." Yes! That's the best weight loss plan! Instead of cheating on weekends, spend it doing that horizontal cardio that feels good and is also good for you. I told my wife about the new diet plan, and hopefully she will jump on it too. Congratulations to everyone that lost weight! Who ever you are, where ever you are, no matter what the circumstances, KEEP ON!
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26 comments:
Although I packed on 9 pounds, I have lost 4 of those rascals. 210 by my birthday.
jeff
congrats to KL
Congrats to the winners!
Captain, you are looking like a hotty in your new pic!
Spider63, What are we going to do?
I gained a whole new chin this week, and i think i'm sprouting a new butt cheek! lol
I discovered peanut M&M's last week. Now i have a new love to avoid. I hate trying new foods for that reason!
Oh Spidey, I just want to give you a big hug. Your not a failure, I know how you feel though.You have to start working on the "head stuff", that's they key.
Well done to KL as well.
I really love your sense of humour and reflections on life.
I identify greatly with the food for emotional nurturance things. I feel like that instinct is so primordial to me that I will never shake it. I’m hoping just to modify it enough to stop it from destroying me and to hopefully achieve some emotionally growth.
Of course, our world is horribly marred by the tendency to summarise people’s worth based on external qualities. I wish we would evolve out of that one fast, it damages and destroys so many lives and is a waste of our greatest resource … ourselves.
Your office sounds like stuff for the movies … the ending would be written by you of course. What ending would you write?
The weight gain is regrettable but certainly not a failure by any stretch of the imagination. It is par for the course when one is battling an addiction. Never a straight road. I find the biggest challenge though is not letting set backs or disappointments totally derail me.
Press on my fellow intrepid traveller. The best is yet to come. :)
Thanks for the encouragements! I grew up watching shows like Leave it to Beaver, Andy Griffith, Happy Days, etc., and of course, I have yet to find those jobs where everyone is laughing and happy. How hard can it be to have fun at work? I guess part of it is the culture and management books that tells bosses that if the employees are happy then they are getting over on the boss.
The management style that most people read about involves keeping the employee just on the edge of quitting, but hooked in because he or she earns ten cents an hour more than what they would get somewhere else.
You are definitely NOT a failure!!! and I want to add my hugs too
Sure we eat for fuel, and for emotional comfort and because it's addicting and for a whole lot of reasons
For me what helped was getting to know my weaknesses and my food triggers and having a plan and healthy food items at hand -- my life saver was mostly air popped popcorn (plain) - it wasn't eaten for the taste, but eaten when hunger was going to take over, when emotions were going wild, when I needed to just sit and veg in front of the tv (or movies - I'd sneak in my own in my big purse). I could nibble on a bowl for a long time.
Sure it was a crutch - but hey it was better then eating a carton of icream or half of a pizza that I would have eaten instead.
Hang in there - one day at time, one choice at time.
Health and Happiness, Lady Rose
Thanks for all the great comments! It's so funny to read Spidey's version of my blog. Congrats to all the other losers!
We have a lot of morbidly obese folk where I work. We've had a half a dozen of them undergo gastric bypass, two of them in the past month. There are others who need the procedure even more, however. And even then, the procedure isn't necessarily a cure. Just gives you another tool in the fight.
I don't mean to sound like a rabble rouser, but UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE IS IT APPROPRIATE TO YELL AT ANYONE AT WORK.
Period.
It took me almost a decade to learn how to handle this. I have a solution that is very simple and totally works:
You say in a very low, calm tone, "I'm sorry. I don't communicate very well this way. Why don't we table this issue until you've calmed down?"
What else can you say to that?
It can't be done after the fact, it has to be done in the heat of the temper tantrum. It is imperative to call it when people who behave this way. If they don't realize they're doing it they need to know. If they realize it they need to know you won't accept it.
People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. If you are valued for your quality of work, then this will end when the behavior is addressed.
-- Karen
I don't know what you do for a living, Spidey, but there are jobs out there and companies out there that are actually fun. I LOVE going to work. We have a lot of creative people, a lot of kinda-crazy people, and a real mix of ages, ethnicity, and skill. It is always interesting, almost always fun. But have the battle is attitude. From the outside, my job wouldn't look all that interesting or fun, but by engaging in a positive way with my co-workers, we all benefit. It's like a family. I hope that one day, you will find a job that makes you feel that way - or that you can turn your current job into something like that.
That said, stress can be a huge trigger for eating when and what you shouldn't. And it sounds like your job is very stressful. What can you do to aleviate that?
I kind of want to reach through my screen and strangle you! Ok, not really but I feel frustrated by what you wrote today. You motivate so many people but right now you are having a hard time motivating yourself. You are obviously smart (yes, I can tell that by the way you write) so I know you will get back on track soon! Here is a big hug for you! {{}}..yeah it looks pretty wimpy for a hug but it was the best I could do online! I hope you have a great day tomorrow and keep working on being healthy...don't let food beat you!!
Candee
P.S. Congrats to "KL" for being this week's weight loss winner. Watch out...it might be me next week! LOL
Thanks for the shout out. Every week is a new journey! Not doing as good this week as I would like. But whatever....lol. Take care.
You are just a big-city thug. You take shots at everyone but you can't make it happen for yourself.
I hit my goal a long time ago, and I am working towards competing in a bodybuilding contest.
You're all talk, a lot of hot air. It looks like you are a turd circling the drain.
Mike Greene
This is the reason that I do not post comments here under my ID anymore.
Too much riff-raff posts here. This blog has become a haven for for the misfits. Not a nice place for ladies.
Hermione
Spidey,
Please remove the fake captain's idiotic comments.
Jeff
This is really strange, but the real Captain has the profile enabled and the anti-Captain has no profile.
Who ever is scamming Captain Jeff must be a pretty sad guy. I guess he needs some kind of attention. Maybe he got molested as a kid. I feel sorry for the anti-Captain. I hope he gets better with medical attention.
Thanks Spidey for sweeping away the clutter. You are about the only person who posts on my site anymore. It is appreciated.
Jeff
Hey, you reported my wt before I officially weighed in! I did end up losing 2.5lbs though. It was a tough week and surprisingly I didn't turn to food....maybe alcohol a little, ha but it was vegas.
You are not a failure for gaining some weight. I know all to well what you mean by looking in the fridge thinking 'what to eat?' But most weeks I don't feel that way anymore. I think, 'ok a good breakfast and then off to the gym' and then usually that will spur me into eating good the rest of the day. NOt always but maybe 80% of the time. I hope you can find another focus or a hobby that can take your mind of food. It is always a struggle for me to 'eat to live rather than live to eat'. I hope this week is a better one for you and you enjoy your holiday weekend, spider.
I am reporting on last week! I am trying to wait until Sundays since there are people that weigh in between Monday and Saturday. So if I recall correctly, you did lose two pounds last week?
Now your 2.5 lbs of loss this week puts you in the running for the WWL Championship that will be announced sometime after Sunday morning... As Ed McMahon used to say: YOU MAY BE THE BIG WINNER of the ten million dollars...
Spidey, please don't beat yourself up for gaining a couple of pounds. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. Hope I didn't yell too loud just wanted to make sure you heard that. You did not fail, you stumbled and there could be any numbe of reasons. Failing would be seeing that number go up and giving up. Saying, 'well, that's it. I gained, no point in watching what I eat anymore.' and proceeding to pig out and throw your weight loss plan out the window. No, you stumbled said, 'darn' and went right back on track. Keep up the good work.
I know exactly what you mean about feeing powerless over food. I have felt that way this week. I have sat around a lot this weekend eating, waiting to be hungry again so I can eat more...
I am too scared to apply for new jobs, I hate my current job, but I am comfortable I guess. The last job I applied for I didn't get. They rang my referees and one of my referees told me they asked me about my weight and if I could handle a full day... can they even ask such questions??? Suffice to say I haven't applied for any jobs since.
I have applied for about twenty jobs this past week. I had an interview set up and I called to confirm and the person answering the phone sounded like a retard and then eventually I got the director of the business on the phone and he said that the interview was scheduled for too late because he liked to leave early on Fridays. I said no problem, I would call back next week. What a douche-bag. I am glad I won't be working at that sh*thole.
Keep on applying for jobs. You won't get any jobs sitting at home moping.
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