November Sweeps!

I lost nine pounds in November!! It is hard to explain, but being hungry all the time makes me more sensitive to stress. I also get headaches more often when I am hungry.

Today at job #1, a gigantic tub of lard rolled in on his scooter. The guy must have weighed around 400+. His legs could no longer support his fat frame, though it was clear that he could move them. Apparently the normal-sized seat on his scooter would slowly slide up into his behind; so this sad human being would have to push off the scooter every few minutes in order to re-position his behind on the seat. I feel sorry for whoever has to wash the sk*dmarks out of his shorts.

He was a very nice guy, but something about his needy personality inspired contempt. I looked at him, like Jabba the Hut perched on his mobility pod, and I saw a horrible alternate-timeline version of me. I could have become that guy if I had given up on life and kept stuffing my face. When I used to weigh over 300 (and 400 lbs.) I used to always feel sorry for myself. I did not understand why it was that I would be very nice to people, and yet I would be treated with contempt, disdain, or otherwise dismissed. I did not understand why people were often dismissive of me, or just treated me as if I did not exist. I did not understand how obesity inspires negative attitudes from others.

But seeing that lard-bottom driving around the store on his mobile scooter; I realized how someone who is very nice can still inspire negativity from others. Why? Perhaps because he was so obviously in denial about his dire straits? Perhaps because he was trying so hard to look normal and fit in? "Hey folks, look at me, I can't walk anymore because I am so obese; but I am compensating by using a scooter." Because he was in his cart shopping for more food at the market when he should have been begging his wife to chain him to a wall and starve him for a couple of weeks until he could walk again?

I looked at his wife, and I saw someone that resembled my own poor wife. A sad soul saddled with an emotional cripple. She probably has to support that fat b*st*rd now that he can't even walk out of the house to get a job. Can she take him to the annual Christmas party at her job? Would you want to take a flabby bucket of guts in a scooter-mobile to any party? The guy would probably knock over the buffet table ramming it with his scooter while trying to get more food.

Seeing an otherwise healthy man sitting in a wheelchair due to his self-imposed obesity was just totally repugnant. I wanted to walk over to him as he tasted a slice of ham, and shake him and say "Snap out of it, man! What have you done to your body? Don't you have any respect for yourself? What is your major malfunction, fatbody? Didn't your Momma give you enough love when you were a little boy?" Maybe even,"You're worthless and weak. Drop off your scooter and give me twenty!"

If you are a mega-morbidly obese person who can't even walk, then tell your family to chain you to a wall and keep the food away from your face! How hard can it be for them to keep you away from the refrigerator if you can't walk? Maybe your loved ones can buy a cattle-prod so that they can give you a mild electric shock whenever you try to crawl towards the kitchen? If they train you to associate food with electric shocks, maybe this will help you lose weight? It sounds like I am insensitve, but I was at around 420 lbs. I could hardly walk around anymore. I know if I had gained a few more pounds I would have become an invalid. Knowing that terrified me at the time. I was scared of reaching that horrible, pathetic low. Why do some people pass that point? How can some folks just give up on themselves and crawl onto a scooter?

If you can still walk, but you are so obese that you are on the verge of becoming immobile; then get yourself to a gym and start exercising (even five minutes a day). Move your body. Get on a treadmill. Don't be ashamed of how grotesque you really are. I was once over 417 lbs. I was grossly overweight. I bet that everyone who ever saw me at the gym thought "Look at the poor fat slob. He paid for a membership and he'll never use it after a couple of days. What a loser." But I kept on going. I have no sense of shame or embarassment. I did not mind the stares as long as I was making progress by Exercising and Working Out!! Pain is good. Make your muscles hurt. You can be a human being, not some kind of sideshow freak! Stop eating that second helping of food! Drink water, not soda! Drop the Twinkies, throw away the bag of donuts, get a grip on your life while you still can. Make your wife (or significant other) and your family proud of you. You can turn your life around. You can stop being a source of shame, and become an inspiration!

272.4 Hot Pockets Diet Enemy

I have pretty much eaten nothing today except for a couple of Met Rx Protein Plus Protein Bars and a protein shake just now (and liberal amounts of water). I lost a little over two pounds today. Perhaps because I was hungry, I kept thinking about Hot Pockets and Lean Pockets and the thought of eating that dripping lard-turd just infuriated me into not eating anything all day.

This is what happened: I was at Job #2, where at some points I am at the cash register. Somebody brought up several boxes of Lean Pockets "Stuffed Sandwiches," and as I was scanning them, I looked at the photos of the Lean Pockets, and I remembered how much I liked Hot Pockets. A memory of biting into soft, flaky dough with delicious melted cheese and pepperoni inside washed over my brain. I remembered how tasty those Lean Pockets are, and then I remembered how much more delicious and greasier the Hot Pockets are.

Then I had a vision of biting into one and all that orange grease from the pepperoni (or pizza sausage) squirting all over my face. Talk about weird symbolism? All I know is that the picture balloon in my brain burst like a cheap generic condom, and I felt annoyed at a microcosmic level that I had been thinking about eating Hot Pockets.

Are Hot Pockets the greasiest slime which may even be worse than a Taco Bell Chalupa? What about all those tiny bits of sausage and/or pepperoni or ham, etc? It could be anything. I don't want to be the one to let the cat out of the bag, but those little chewy, crunchy bits of meat could be pepperoni, or they could be your old cat. Do you remember Soylent Green with Charlton Heston and Edward G. Robinson? Back in the early 1900s, putting horse meat into sausage was a common practice. I had a vision of some kind of seedy chain of low-budget animal shelters being run by the Hot Pockets company just so they could increase their profits by getting free meat so they can stuff your dead pets into their sandwiches.

Can you imagine dogs and cats seasoned and cooked into a flaky crust? The little critter gave his owners love for many years, and then dies and gets deposited into a pastry? What kind of world do we live in? Aren't even our beloved dogs and cats safe from corporate exploitation? Keep in mind that in France, China, Korea, and most of Asia, dogs are bred for eating. Most markets and restaurants in Asia serve dog meat.

Anyhow, just to be fair, I checked the Hot Pockets website and (giving them the benefit of the doubt that they are not using cats and dogs) this is what I discovered: The same company that makes Hot Pockets also makes Lean Pockets and Croissant Pockets (no matter which one you buy, the cat fur is flying). The website did not list any nutritional values for the more fattening Hot Pockets pig food. Apparently, they are ashamed of the truth regarding Hot Pockets.

Lean Pockets each have a minimum of 7 grams of FAT (how many grams of FAT are in the regular Hot Pockets?). Seven grams of FAT is a lot (unless you are used to eating at Burger King), but like any marketing hype, the Big Lie is used in order to turn a negative into a positive. These folks are so sinister that they even have a webpage for testimonials from misguided tubbies who claim that they lost weight by sucking down the greasy Lean Pockets "Stuffed Sandwiches."

Of course, now you and I both know the truth. The next time that you are thinking about eating any Hot Pockets, Lean Pockets, Croissant Pockets (or the generic supermarket versions--you can bet your life that they really do have pet meat). That isn't pepperoni, that's poodle. So if you want to lose weight and become the cat's meow, stay away from greasy food. For all of the above reasons, I am officially certifying Hot Pockets (and their copy-cats and generic versions) as Diet Enemy #11! MEOW!

274.8 Drink Water

I lost a little more weight. Not a complete pound, but what the hell, it knocks me under 275. It is hard to comprehend just how obese I was. I am still very overweight, and yet I have lost over 140 lbs. It is not hard to slip up either, which is the lesson that I have forgotten in the past when I have lost weight. What I consider normal eating will blimp me up. So I have to be "forever vigilant." I have to go to work in a couple of minutes (Job #2). So here is my weight loss tip: Drink lots of water.

I have been consciously drinking a lot more water than what I like, and it drinking water helps anyone lose weight. I am still very far from the 8 glasses that are recommended. I probably drink around 4 per day. However, that is a lot for me. Back in the old days, I never would drink water. I disliked the flavor of any kind of water, and the only thing that super-obese Al would drink was: Chocolate Milk, regular whole fat milk (YUCK to low-fat), and about three liters of soda every day. No wonder I was 417 lbs.+!!

When I am really motivated, I buy gallon jugs of water and keep them refrigerated and try to finish off one every day. It speeds up weight loss by filling you up. Good luck to all my fellow chubbies!!! See you on the other side of 270!!

275.6 Job Jollies

Ramstein - Du Hast

I don't know German, except to ask "What time is it?" (something like: Weesh spate ist is?), so I made up my own lyrics to this song. Goes like this: YOU, Fatso! Lose Weight. Lose Weight Now!" that works for me.

I lost another pound, down to 275.6 lbs. I have two jobs, and I work almost exclusively with women. At one job, the women spend a lot of their time sniping at each other (and the men workers, customers, everyone else). I hate to sound misogynistic, but wow. In all fairness, we do get some bratty customers (but not that many--maybe a couple every day?). They ratchet up the stress level for some people. I am very friendly when dealing with customers, so I usually don't get too many acting out with me. At Job #2, everyone is very nice, and I really like that job!!

On the other hand, when I was working with mostly men unloading trucks, the level of conversation was mostly grunting, cursing the managers, and wondering who would quit in order for the rest to move up. Another favorite topic was "Who is the laziest worker?" and "Who is the most annoying manager?"

At one of my jobs (18 women, three guys in our department) it does not seem like people respect each other there. Keep in mind, that the 18 ladies are mostly in their 50s or older (check the photo for a general idea). I wonder if to some degree they are victims of the era that they grew up in? To be fair, it is only a few people doing this, and the majority of the folks are just trying to earn an honest living. I have worked in some oddball places, but this one really has a lot of extra stress.

Is a new job the best solution? I guess that is just one more reason to keep losing weight. Finding the silver lining in every cloud is what keeps me motivated. Surging ahead like that foamy stuff on top of the waves at the beach. Du hast?

Update: I went to the gym and did 35 sets of Triceps push-downs, and on every triceps machine, and with free weights too. I really had a lot of frustration built up. Today my triceps and the back of my shoulders hurt a lot. Pain is good. The back is sore from the bike-riding, which I have not done in a while. All this is good. Did I mention that I snapped a shock absorber on my van because I went over a speed bump too fast as I was leaving Job #1 like a bat out of hell?? That set me back $140, but thank God the local gas station fixed it and the car is running!!

Thanksgiving, Friendship & Bicycling

What ever happened to friendship? Yesterday at my job #1, where I work in a supermarket deli; there were at least two of the older ladies who were going to be doing Thanksgiving by themselves. Divorced, alone, no kids. I just started working there less than a month ago, and I wanted to invite them over to my home, but I really don't know them very well. I thought it was strange that none of their co-workers of several years would invite them. I guess that is the world we live in.

When I was a kid, I recall that people used to invite their co-workers and friends to all kinds of parties, birthdays, etc., and people seemed to be more willing to connect with each other in basic friendship. Now at most places people seem to be more apprehensive about making friends. Last night, at job #2 (a pharmacy--overnight) nobody even mentioned Thanksgiving.

At around 5:00 a.m. I said Happy Thanksgiving to everyone that I work with (I was saying that all night to the customers); and outside of"You too" nobody even discussed it at all. I have only been working at that job a week (I quit my other job unloading trucks), so I was not expecting anything, but I was surprised that none of the people who have worked there longer even talk to each other about anything.

I recall that back in the old days, Thanksgiving used to be a friendlier holiday? Or were people friendlier? I grew up in New York, and people definitely seemed friendlier there than in Miami. Are people less friendly in big cities, or is it just Miami? It would have been nice to meet some of my blog buddies too!

I was able to go to Tropical Park and also A.D. Barnes Park this afternoon to ride my new bike with my daughter! I had just gotten my bike last week, now that I have lost a lot of weight and can ride the bike again! My daugther is learning to ride her bike (she got hers two weeks ago), and she is making a lot of progress. At A.D. Barnes park we usually go to feed the ducks and turtles bits of bread. The two parks are about ten blocks from each other. It was fun. This is a picture of me with a friendly face on my thinner body. Twice The Man has mentioned that maintaining his secret identity has been vital to keeping his job, so I am going to do the same as much as possible (I hope you don't mind).

My wife had to work in the afternoon, so she could not go. Mom made turkey breast only, instead of the whole turkey, and it had a strange flavor. My daughter took the first bite and said it tasted like fish (look at her in the photo); and that really made me think it was bad before I even tried it. So I ended up eating very little turkey, and concentrated on the stuffing, hot mashed pumpkin/squash(?) with marshmallows on top (toasted), and skipped the rice, black beans,vegetables, etc. A slice of coconut custard pie afterwards and some coffee. It was a humble (non-dietary) Thanksgiving meal, but it was more than enough!! Did I mention THANKS for health, work, family, love, and everything else that God provides!

276.8 Hunger Strike

276.8 Lost another pound, depressed or not, the journey to 195 lbs. continues. Unfortunately, Viacom International had the video for Hunger Strike (by Temple of the Dog) removed. It is a good song!

277.6 Depression

I lost two more pounds. I could have lost more today, but I broke down and ate half a loaf of bread, a chicken breast, two custards, an orange jello, a glass of milk, and two protein bars.

Lately, every time I lose a couple of pounds, I want to binge. Last week I went up to 287, which was a gain of eight pounds in a couple of days. Then I did not eat much for the rest of the week and lost weight. That is not a healthy way to do things long term, but as I am getting closer to my goals, I am feeling depressed.

What have I accomplished, if anything? Just getting to normal? To the average, non-obese person, it is BFD (Big F*cking Deal). In fact, most of the time when the subject does come up, I feel very proud to say that I have lost 140 lbs. However, most people's eyes glaze over. For people who have always been of normal weight, it is a bit silly to see some overweight person feeling overjoyed that they have lost a few pounds.

I guess this is something I knew since the previous times when I lost a lot of weight. This is not my first time down this road, and the anti-climax of getting to normal weight is that all you have accomplished is nothing much compared to every normal person.

Then there is the other consideration. Obesity is a crutch, and it also is a way to attract negative attention. I have to deduce that for some reasons, I have relied on that obesity crutch for many years. Perhaps I prefer negative attention to none at all. Being normal means being average, and not getting any attention. I think negative attention is something that many fat people like.

Obesity is also a convenient excuse to stay out of social situations, and many other types of situations where some people win and others lose. Why did I become obese to begin with? Why do most people lose weight and then gain it all back? Because obesity is a shelter from many of the harsh realities of life?

279.8 Twice The Man??

When I started my blog, I was not sure that I would be able to lose any weight at all. A lifetime of failure made me realize that I was someone who needed a lot of prayers, good luck, perhaps even a miracle. Even today, after losing 138 lbs., I am still far from my goal. However, I feel like I can make it.

Part of the reason that I have been blogging is because some nice people on the internet have regularly dropped in to give me some encouragement and to say hello. Another reason is that I wanted to create what amounted to a journal where I would be honest on my way to wherever I was going. I still have a long way to go. Today I weigh 279.8 lbs, and I am about 85 lbs. from my goal of 195 lbs.

During this time, I have met some nice bloggers. One of them is GR H*mm, who was writing his Twice The Man blog for about eighteen months. He usually had some interesting ideas about dieting, and he posted many articles about dieting on his blog. He also was very encouraging to everyone. Unfortunately, over the past couple of months, GR seems to lost his path. After reporting a gain of 18 lbs., Twice The Man's blog ceased to be open to the general public. I guess he took the blog private in order to regroup? I hope to hear from him again, and hopefully he will get back on track. (UPDATE 4/25/07: GR has been back to blogging for about a month or two. He deleted his old blog because it had his name listed in numerous posts and now he has a job where he needs to maintain anonymity. Unfortunately for GR, he gained about 60+ pounds over the past few months, and right now he is at around 380 lbs. Check out his blog for current developments!)

Life and stress can make it difficult for people to focus on their goals. This is especially true for the obese. There are always a million reasons to break the diet or to eat some extra food. Most of the time it is because we are tired. Sometimes it is anxiety, or just plain over-eating during meals. There are probably hundreds of different paths to obesity, but the only way to lose weight is by eating less.

Every day, we can either stick to our personal weight-loss plan or backslide and gain weight. I have gained weight many times during the past two years+ that I have been trying to lose weight. Sometimes it is very frustrating. Sometimes I have wanted to give up and go to the Pizza buffet and eat a ton of food. Once I did that, and then after a couple of days I got back on the horse and continued forward to lose weight. We all make mistakes. Sometimes we make really bad decisions and really dumb mistakes. But we must forgive ourselves (and our friends, family, loved ones, etc.) and move forward.

One of the negatives about a blog is that it can end up being an exercise in narcissism. I think obese people tend to be have some issues with that. For that reason, when I noticed that I was spending a lot of time blogging and not as much time working on losing weight; I decided that I would post messages only when I had actually lost some weight. Of course, I have made many exceptions to that rule too! But the point is, that I want to earn my right to blog about my weight-loss. I have to earn it by actually losing weight. That's what I am doing. Like everyone else, I have hit plateaus. You have to work through them. You cannot spend forever complaining about your inability to keep your mouth shut. At some point you actually have to shut your mouth and tough it out when you are hungry and you want to eat some lasagna. You have to push away from the table.

A few years ago, when I was weighing around 400+ lbs., somebody told me that the best way to lose weight was to learn to push away from the table. At the time, I immediately hated that guy, and in my mind I had many arguments as to why he was wrong. Obesity is a disease, etc. But the more I thought about it over the course of time, the more I realized that the only guaranteed way to lose weight is by eating less. Deprivation is part of it. Sacrifice. At some point you have to bite the bullet and when you are craving ice cream and there is a box of it in the freezer you have to say "F*CK NO!" You have to value the quality of your life (and your health) more than a slice of pizza, a bowl of ice-cream, etc. You have to love yourself more than you love a candy bar. Good luck to everyone who is on a mission. Stay focused.

Halloween Memories!

I lost eight pounds in October!



Halloween is always fun. I took my daughter to the massive Dadeland Mall here in Miami. It is very upscale, and yet it was the mall that gave out the least amount of candy to the kids! Many stores are telling all the kids that they don't give out candy until 5:00 p.m. When the Trick or Treat time begins, these same stores post a handwritten sign on their windows at 5:01 p.m. that says "Sorry, We Ran Out of Candy." The sign should really say "Sorry, we are really cheap and cynical." This is really sad. I wonder what impression it makes on the kids who were at the mall at 5:00 p.m. to realize that adults will lie to children instead of buying a bag of candy? I guess the kids that arrive later will really believe that the store just ran out of candy, but what's the point? Are they trying to build up good will by doing that? Can't people be honest about a bag of candy?

At Dadeland Mall, the stores that actually had candy posted an orange sign that said "Trick or Treat here." That made it a lot easier to walk through the mall without having to go into every store. The candy stores like Lady Godiva's Chocolates were not giving out anything. At the stores that were giving out candy or stickers, the employees were happy and having fun, and the kids were all having a blast too. It was great to see so many families having fun,laughing, and participating in a fun event together. It was like being at a rock concert seeing so many kids running around in costumes!

I had a lot of fun running around too. My daughter had fun too, and this year she was a vampire. There were a couple of toddlers that actually screamed when they saw her. I thought that was great, but she did not like being so scary. My daughter's best friend, Catherine, moved to North Carolina, so she wasn't here this year. Watching the kids and their parents going around in the costumes is fun. My wife was working last night, and after we finished walking Dadeland we went to her job and surprised her at work. She was happy to be a part of Halloween, even if she was working.

I grew up in New York City. People used to have shopping bags full of candy at their stores, and kids could put their hand in and grab what they could. These were Mom & Pop shops, where the owners were the ones standing at the door most of the time. Now it is all generic mega-corporations, and the managers are standing behind a row of minimum-wage employees trying to save money on Halloween candy!

Maybe next year we will try going around the neighborhood, I have not done that in a few years.